Tired of Trying

I – I am doing fine. I – I have valiently tried

To move on like nothing happened, but I’m stymied.

If only you knew how much I have wrestled inside

To resist the desire to call you again tonite

If only you knew how much I just want to hear your voice

Just to feel at peace again within myself.

If you only knew, the countless times I have considered

Driving hours to meet you, despite the fact to you I’m dead

I’m tired. So very tired of trying to understand

Life’s misery has reduced me to a mortal man

Perhaps I should let everything go, rest in peace

Prove once and for all, you were too good for me

Stop trying to understand. Surrender and watch it end

By it – we mean my life. For what matters in the end?

But, says I, I could rise. Stive to be that I’ve always admired

No matter the hurt, become a man that you wish you didn’t decry

I would lie if I tried to say vengeance isn’t on my mind

But God forbid I make you cry so I feel right

Because even after all this time, and though so tired

I still stand by all the words I said. Honest to God, I’ve tried

And now, finally, standing at the cusp of time

As the past becomes so distant and your face fades in my mind

You still make my heart bleed just like you once made it beat

I shan’t contact you for you are the one who cut off my feet

But I will slowly walk away to find someone who isn’t

Afraid to give me the one thing you wouldn’t

A genuine love that will not back down and run.

For all your beauty, you lacked few but this one

So I shall bury the stinking corpse of your memory

I’ve been trying to understand for an eternity

But perhaps it’s time I kill myself since you couldnt do it properly

Restart this life, and take on some fresh misery

Maybe one day – though I hope it won’t come

You will look back in regret at my unrequited love

Fading Fast

The recollection of what truly happened

Is now becoming dreams and hallucinations

What was facts in the past, certain reality

Is now transforming into a figment of my imaginations

Time has not healed these wounds rather

Memory has failed me, fact and fiction are blended

My ability to know with certainty is failing

And all that’s left are hypotheses on why it all ended

Double Down

No person has a life lived of no regrets

No matter all the nonsense that is said.

For tis more than yes and no

But how little or how far will you go?

And in this miserably short life

Success oft by inches doth decide.

Too much and we break, a little less

And we watch, as we helpless, miss.

Tis cruel hand of fate doth evil games play

Who knows what could be if we could replay?

If I could replay, there would be things I change

I would cut off those deeds that must not be named

Places I would not go, people I would shun

So much less said, so much more done

Some I would draw a little closer

Days I would strive just a little longer

If I could replay, time travel back to the past

My chief goal would be to win your heart

But have I not tried? Heaven knows I did

And Hell too is aware of my pain from it.

Who knew that death could be welcome

For no reason but to deal with rejection?

So perhaps you’re wondering, could he do more?

I put much in, but to do more, of that I’m sure

I could have thrown all caution to the wind

Pushed forward my chips – all in.

Perhaps you’ve forgotten me, but if not

Know this, that despite all the emptiness I got

If there was a miraculous second chance found

I would take all I have and double down

Soul Talk

You can make small talk. I guess that means there’s big talk too.

I can make jokes and flirt. Whisper sweet nothings to you.

Ask about your life, how are things going over yonder?

Anything happening there right now of particular wonder?

I can stir the bucket like you wouldn’t believe – open cans of worms

Play a game of wit, distribute some free verbal burns.

Perhaps we could play a game – two truths and a lie

Or perhaps it’s no truths and all lies in your mind?

Either way, the more you speak, the more you reveal

The essence of the person you are inside behind your veil.

But what if, somehow, we eclipse the previous spiel

And speak from the soul, those things that are real?

What if we shared all our intentions? Our dark sides

Our strengths, our dreams, our losses, our fights.

What if we dared to suddenly give each other light

To those dark recesses of our soul that are shrouded in night?

What if we could have a little soul talk?

Maybe we could have a little more solid life walk.

Love

Seemingly weak and fragile.
Yet the strongest of textiles.
The essence of our existence.
An unseen yet decisive presence.
The yearning of the human soul.
That which makes one whole.
The life of the sun’s rays
Breaking through on stormy days.
That which makes one mad.
The epitome of glad and sad.
The heights beyond clouds.
The depths so very deep down.
The catalyst of change.
The root of wars and hate.
The defense, the wall, the tower.
The expense of money and power.
To objects and people, it demands.
Our attention as denizens of its land.
Like oxygen we breathe.
The fix we absolutely need.
The tenderness of the mother’s hands.
The raging fire which consumes lands.
The lion risen to protect his pride
The willing sacrifice of the Christ.
The broken bleeding heart.
Tearing strong men apart.
The tears that well inside one’s eyes.
Staying despite situations so dire.
The deep longing of man’s soul.
The seemingly unfillable hole.

Spurned – it burns.
Rejected – yet yearns.
Once birthed – never dies.
It’s object – the reason why.
Accepted – reciprocated.
It’s desire – never placated.
It’s value – beyond count
To fail – never found
Desiring – never owns
Owning – never in bonds
Priceless – given free
Free – yet cost all indeed
Acted – less than spoken
Defensive – yet always open
Yours to give – mine to choose
You won’t – I forever lose